Happly Happly

How to Choose your Bridesmaids and Groomsmen


How to Choose your Bridesmaids and Groomsmen

Depending on your social dynamics, selecting your wedding bridesmaids and groomsmen may be simple, or more complicated. You may have a core network in your life with candidates that stand out a mile. If you have a larger circle, you may struggle to choose without hurting anyone’s feelings.

Either way, there are some key considerations when selecting your wedding party. Remember, you also want to choose your wedding party between 9 and 12 months ahead so they can help you plan.

Wedding Size

You can choose as many groomsmen and bridesmaids as you like, but there are some yardsticks to keep in mind. After all, a larger wedding party means more expenses, more particulars to consider, and consequently sometimes more complications. You also want a sense of balance.

For a smaller wedding of up to 60 guests, work on having four attendants on each side. For a more formal wedding of around 150 people, you could go up to as many as 12 bridesmaids and groomsmen, if you have a wide social circle.

When in doubt, less is more and simplicity is always the right decision.

Select Responsible People

Your wedding day is a massive milestone in your life. You want to choose a wedding party attendants who you can rely on. This is especially true regarding your Maid of Honour and Best Man.

These people will be doing things like arranging your bachelorette and bachelor parties, keeping track of your valuable wedding rings on the big day, and being there to lean on when things get tough.

While your bestie may be an obvious choice, if he or she tends to be a bit on the wild side, this could cause problems. If this is an issue for you, think about having two maids of honour or best men. Choose both your closest friend and someone you know who will take the role seriously. This way, the job will be done, and you still will have your most intimate friend by your side.

Think Things Through

Asking someone to be a wedding attendant is a no-backsies kind of a thing – unless you’re prepared to deal with fallout and drama, possibly for years to come. Instead, think matters through carefully before you decide. Take about a month to process this.

Consider how close you are to the people you’re considering. Will some of them still be in your life in, say, five years? Does everyone in your wedding party candidate list get on? This last thought is not a significant concern, but it can help you decide if you’re struggling to make a choice.

A tight-knit team is more likely to work well together and make the wedding day more comfortable and seamless.

You are also under no obligation to choose someone that chose you at their wedding. It’s your day. Yes, this is a challenge, but you can explain your reasons in a kind and gentle way. 

Be Honest About What You Expect

Be sure about what you expect of your wedding party, and then communicate this to them. If you and your wedding planner have things wrapped up, they may not have too many responsibilities. If you’re running things on your own, you may need more help.

Using a wedding planning website as we offer at HAPPLY, you can easily track what tasks are to be done by whom. It makes things so much simpler.

Also, consider that if some key wedding attendants live far away, their involvement may be limited. Chat to them realistically about what role they can play

Don’t Forget Immediate Family

Family is important, so before you rule out your younger sister or that cousin you’re close to, put them on the wedding party list. Members of the family are forever, while a lot of friends may come and go.

Consider Other Roles for Special People

If selecting your attendants is giving you sleepless nights, don’t forget that you can still give people loads of roles. You can provide special people that don’t quite make bridesmaid or groomsman other roles to make them feel respected and included.

There are roles like ushers, flower girls, ring bearers, guest book monitors, the MC, and many more. If you’re afraid of someone feeling left out, invent a role for them. There will always be something!

There are No Set Rules

Lastly, while there are certain traditions, there aren’t any rules. If the bridal best friend’s a guy, put him on the team. If the bridesmaids want to wear pants and you like the idea, go for it!

Going with the flow and with the feel of your one wild and precious life is what’s going to make the wedding day extra special.

top of flower

Keep me Updated!

Happly is coming soon, be the first to sign up when we launch!